Many of you reading this know my struggles over the past 8 months since my brother, Jason, died. My biggest struggle was his faith. Being a Christian I believe in Heaven and hell and I believe you have to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior to go to Heaven. A few months after his death I began hearing stories about things he did and said in the months leading up to his death and I started to believe he could be in Heaven. There was still something holding me back from completely believing he is in Heaven. I hate admitting that because #1 I'm not the judge so it's not my place to decide or think where someone else belongs and #2 What a cruddy sister I was for having such bad thoughts of my brother of possibly being in hell. Over this past year, I have learned to bring my problems, fears and questions to God. I prayed and prayed asking God to help me be at peace with Jason's death. It didn't happen immediately but God did answer my prayers.
It was the end of July and I had a dream. It was one of those dreams you can remember and can still feel days after it happening. There was a big presence/figure in my dream. It didn't look like anyone in particular but somehow I recognized this presence as my brother. For a lot of my brother's adult life he was a big man, like 300+ pounds and over 6 feet tall. I always felt "safe" next to him because of how small I was compared to him and I felt that same way next to my brother in my dream. I remember everything was white in my dream, including Jason. It wasn't a dull white but insanely bright white. I remember being fascinated that I was able to see clearly without squinting or wearing sunglasses, that's how bright it was. I remember telling my brother something that was going on in my life (I think it was about the girls starting school soon) and he chuckled, the same chuckle he had on earth, and said sarcastically, "Yeah, I know" and he chuckled again. It was with that sarcastic remark that I knew it was my brother! I remember him being so happy. When Jason was alive, he would have many moments of happiness and smiles. However, those moments didn't always last long and he would soon look depressed. In this dream, he never lost his happiness. I remember thinking how great it was to see him happy and smiling all the time again. Then the best part of the dream was when he said, "Come on, I want to show you around my new home." That was it and I woke up.
I woke up with a comfort I hadn't felt since he died. It was this calming feeling that took over my body and I felt great. Of course I over analyzed it and decided the dream must not have meant anything it was merely my subconscious trying to find comfort. I briefly mentioned my dream to a friend of mine who has experienced many dreams since her dad died earlier this year. She thought my dream had a lot of meaning but being the good friend she is, she knew I would need to figure it out on my own. I spent the next couple of weeks really struggling with knowing how to decipher whether a dream is from God or not.
A couple weeks after my dream, I got a card in the mail from my mom. In it she wrote down this dream she had but after I read it, I told Josh I was concerned about her because the card didn't make sense. I put the card aside and purposely didn't ask her about it (sorry mom!) because it was bizarre. Well, we were talking a couple weeks later and I told her I was struggling with a dream I had because I wasn't sure how to know if was from God or not. As I'm telling her about my dream, she starts freaking out and crying. She then yells at me, "DID YOU NOT READ MY CARD I SENT YOU?!?!?" She then explained to me that I was describing her dream, she just couldn't figure out how to put it all into words. We bawled and bawled as we shared our dreams to one another. Sure enough, I went back and re-read the card and it blew me away as it finally made sense what she was trying to write. She wrote that Jason was talking and laughing, he was white and wearing a white shirt and he was smiling so much. My mom woke up and wasn't scared, and could still remember the dream days after it happened. There were some differences in our dreams about the appearance of Jason (he was big to me like when he was an adult but in my mom's dream he was thinner with not a lot of facial hair like when he was a teenager). There were also other people in my mom's dream whereas my dream it was just Jason and I.
Regardless of our differences, it was obvious to me that our similarities were too close to dismiss. That is what I needed in order to erase any doubt I had about where Jason was. After looking back on when my mom sent her card and when I had my dream, it looks like we had our dreams within days of each other!
God answered my prayers and he gave me peace with the thing that has been the hardest for me since Jason died. Not only do I have comfort knowing my brother and I will see each other again and that he is so happy now, but I also got a mini-tour of my future home.
It was the end of July and I had a dream. It was one of those dreams you can remember and can still feel days after it happening. There was a big presence/figure in my dream. It didn't look like anyone in particular but somehow I recognized this presence as my brother. For a lot of my brother's adult life he was a big man, like 300+ pounds and over 6 feet tall. I always felt "safe" next to him because of how small I was compared to him and I felt that same way next to my brother in my dream. I remember everything was white in my dream, including Jason. It wasn't a dull white but insanely bright white. I remember being fascinated that I was able to see clearly without squinting or wearing sunglasses, that's how bright it was. I remember telling my brother something that was going on in my life (I think it was about the girls starting school soon) and he chuckled, the same chuckle he had on earth, and said sarcastically, "Yeah, I know" and he chuckled again. It was with that sarcastic remark that I knew it was my brother! I remember him being so happy. When Jason was alive, he would have many moments of happiness and smiles. However, those moments didn't always last long and he would soon look depressed. In this dream, he never lost his happiness. I remember thinking how great it was to see him happy and smiling all the time again. Then the best part of the dream was when he said, "Come on, I want to show you around my new home." That was it and I woke up.
I woke up with a comfort I hadn't felt since he died. It was this calming feeling that took over my body and I felt great. Of course I over analyzed it and decided the dream must not have meant anything it was merely my subconscious trying to find comfort. I briefly mentioned my dream to a friend of mine who has experienced many dreams since her dad died earlier this year. She thought my dream had a lot of meaning but being the good friend she is, she knew I would need to figure it out on my own. I spent the next couple of weeks really struggling with knowing how to decipher whether a dream is from God or not.
A couple weeks after my dream, I got a card in the mail from my mom. In it she wrote down this dream she had but after I read it, I told Josh I was concerned about her because the card didn't make sense. I put the card aside and purposely didn't ask her about it (sorry mom!) because it was bizarre. Well, we were talking a couple weeks later and I told her I was struggling with a dream I had because I wasn't sure how to know if was from God or not. As I'm telling her about my dream, she starts freaking out and crying. She then yells at me, "DID YOU NOT READ MY CARD I SENT YOU?!?!?" She then explained to me that I was describing her dream, she just couldn't figure out how to put it all into words. We bawled and bawled as we shared our dreams to one another. Sure enough, I went back and re-read the card and it blew me away as it finally made sense what she was trying to write. She wrote that Jason was talking and laughing, he was white and wearing a white shirt and he was smiling so much. My mom woke up and wasn't scared, and could still remember the dream days after it happened. There were some differences in our dreams about the appearance of Jason (he was big to me like when he was an adult but in my mom's dream he was thinner with not a lot of facial hair like when he was a teenager). There were also other people in my mom's dream whereas my dream it was just Jason and I.
Regardless of our differences, it was obvious to me that our similarities were too close to dismiss. That is what I needed in order to erase any doubt I had about where Jason was. After looking back on when my mom sent her card and when I had my dream, it looks like we had our dreams within days of each other!
God answered my prayers and he gave me peace with the thing that has been the hardest for me since Jason died. Not only do I have comfort knowing my brother and I will see each other again and that he is so happy now, but I also got a mini-tour of my future home.
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